Since we crank out so many stories each week some really good ones get lost in the cracks. And since so many new people visit Guyism every day (thank you), we thought we’d start taking some time on the weekends to share some classics that many of our newer readers may have missed.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The whipped husband/boyfriend has long been a staple of TV comedy. “Ha ha, he is so weak and women are so awesome. This is relevant to my interests,” said the generic housewife that TV sitcoms are desperate to court. Here are the 12 most horrendously whipped husbands and boyfriends in popular TV show history.
12 Niles Crane Frasier
Though we never actually see Niles’ first wife, Maris, there are plenty of references to help us conclude that she is one of the most domineering and awful wives in all of history. Despite her manipulation and demoralizing behavior towards Niles, he sticks with her well through the fourth season of the show. Thankfully, Niles eventually grows a pair and goes through with the divorce proceedings.
11 Dan Connor Roseanne
If you’re unlucky enough to be married to Roseanne, then it’s pretty safe to say that you won’t be wearing the pants in the family. Though Dan had his moments of rebellion, he pretty much spent all nine seasons of the show tucked squarely in the back pocket of his loud-mouthed and abrasive blue-collar wifey.
10 Philip J. Fry Futurama
Back in the 20th century, Fry had the misfortune of going out with a callous and selfish girl named Michelle. Despite escaping to the 31st century, Michelle shows up via cryogenic freezing to torment Fry in the future. When your girlfriend convinces you to leave all your friends behind and freeze yourself for another one thousand years, you know you’ve got one pussy-whipped boyfriend on your hands.
9 George Costanza Seinfeld
After getting engaged to Susan Biddle Ross, George quickly came to realize the catastrophe that his “two worlds were colliding.” Unfortunately, Relationship George was a stifled and unhappy man from the moment of the engagement. Fortunately, Susan licked one too many toxic envelopes and George was able to celebrate his emancipation back into bachelorhood by eating a block of cheese in his underwear.
8 Hal Malcolm in the Middle
Lois and Hal had a similar relationship as Roseanne and Dan Connor. Lois barked the orders, while Hal obediently complied. Prior to meeting Lois and becoming a low-level and mild-mannered desk jockey, Hal apparently used to be a supreme badass who hosted his own pirate radio station (under the moniker, Kid Charlemagne). Sadly, Lois stripped all rebellion out the man and quickly turned him into her drone.
7 Mr. Slave South Park
Mr Slave is whipped both literally and figuratively by his gay lover Mr. Garrison. As a masochist, Mr. Slave delights in being bossed around and told what to do. What he can’t stand for, however, is a boyfriend with a vagina. When Mr. Garrison gets a sex change, it breaks the love spell and Mr. Slave takes his subversive tendencies elsewhere (namely, into the waiting arms of Big Gay Al).
6 Larry Almada Drew Carey Show
Larry Almada was a minor character in the Drew Carey Show, but he was one royally pussy-whipped dude. As the boy toy of Winfred-Lauder executive Mrs. Lauder (who is decrepitly old), Larry routinely finds himself resorting to demeaning errands and sexual acts. I don’t care who you are, resorting to sex with a walking corpse is one sure sign you’re whipped.
5 Al Bundy Married…With Children
While Al wasted away as a shoe salesman, his wife, Peggy, sat at home all day eating bon-bons and spending all his money. And when he finally returned home from a long day of work, there was no dinner or happiness waiting for him. While most men wouldn’t put up with such a lazy, non-supportive wife, Al quietly resigned himself to the “Bundy curse” years ago.
4 Tom Peters Tom Goes to the Mayor
Poor Tom Peters can’t catch a break. As if his unfortunate relationship with the Mayor of Jefferton wasn’t enough, he also has to deal with a completely fat and disgusting wife at home. As one example of domination Joy Peters subjects to her husband, Tom’s winning idea of creating a renewable power source is eventually foiled because his wife refuses to give him access to their laptop, which she is using to have online sex.
3 Tony Micelli Who’s the Boss
Who’s the boss? Well, it certainly isn’t the man maid that spent his days dusting cabinets and cooking dinner. Though Tony’s relationship with Angela Bower was purely professional for the majority of the show, an attraction between the two was always there. Regardless of whether or not they were dating at the time, wearing a frilly apron and getting paid to do the household chores isn’t exactly a manly pastime.
2 George Jetson The Jetsons
The start of every Jetsons episode begins with Jane Jetson cleaning out George’s wallet before heading out to the retro-futuristic shopping mall. If George had a healthy dose of testosterone, he’d put that shopaholic wife of his in her place.
1 Michael Scott The Office
Michael Scott is so starved for love that he’s even willing to put up with the belittling and bossy behavior of Jan Levinson. During his time with Jan, she successfully weaseled her way into his home and ran up Michael’s credit card bills until he was in a mountain of debt. Though Michael finally summoned the courage to move on, their relationship can be summed with the fact that Jan once made Michael dress up in a school girl costume to fulfill a sexual fantasy of hers.
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