Guyism After Dark: Aimee, Kate, or Jessica??? |
- Guyism After Dark: Aimee, Kate, or Jessica???
- On Masculinity: The One-Handed Self Portrait
- What’s hot this week in men’s fashion, gadgets, and gear
- How about some more Gracie Carvalho pics?
- 7 ways to ruin a perfectly good wedding
- Sadia Lyoti Bangladesi New Model Photoshoot
- Rowthiram Tamil Movie Stills Jeeva Shriya Saran
- Shazahn Padamsee Posses in Sleeveless Tight Top & Jeans
- Saloni Aswani Latest Photoshoot
| Guyism After Dark: Aimee, Kate, or Jessica??? Posted: 30 Apr 2011 03:00 PM PDT Hot links to get you through the night…
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| On Masculinity: The One-Handed Self Portrait Posted: 30 Apr 2011 11:00 AM PDT
No, No. Don't take it down. You're not alone, my friend. In bathrooms across America, guys are hiking their shirts up and their shorts down to make their contribution to that most masturbatory of genres in contemporary photography, the one-handed self-portrait. You know, the incredibly douchey cellphone pic you took of yourself in the mirror as if you "just happened" to have your shirt off? Yeah, that one. Every guy is consciously aware of how lame and pathetic the one-handed self-portrait makes you look. You talk shit with your buddies about that maybe semi-gay gay dude from college who recently switched his profile pic from a shot of him and his girl to one where he's now the exclusive center of attention. The one-handed self-portrait not only makes a guy look inescapably feminine and vaguely gay, there's also something a bit sad and desperate about it. And yet we seem unable to resist taking them, even if only in secret. Maybe you stash them in a password-protected folder alongside your startlingly complete collection of cartoon bukkake porn. Or, if you're brave, you bury them deep in your Facebook pics, thinking that no one but an interested lady friend will venture much beyond your vacation or high school yearbook photos (Wrong: your buddies will definitely catch on when they're looking for that candid shot of you doing a beer bong at the company Christmas party). It's clear that the one-handed self-portrait is no longer just for the overly tanned 'roid heads at your gym or the guys from Jersey Shore. Everybody's got one. Don't be surprised if one shows up as your dad's new profile pic. There's something sordid and dirty about the one-handed self-portrait. Even if you don't actually post the pics, the very act of capturing this private moment on film reveals a guy's exhibitionist side. It's akin to masturbating in public, and now there's undeniable photographic evidence of it. The one-handed self-portrait is embarrassing, not only because of its effeminate or homosexual undertones, but because it snaps a shot of you quite literally "enjoying yourself."
I think the "one-handed" aspect of the cellphone grip should be pretty self-explanatory. Yes, the innuendo of the name "one-handed self-portrait" is deliberate. If you've ever taken this type of pic yourself (I'm glad you can finally admit it, dude) then you know that you have to take an absolute minimum of 200 shots before you get even one you're satisfied with. But there's something that can be enjoyable in this repetition that is similar to that "other" experience of pleasure that you uh, enjoy with yourself. Even if the next pic is pretty much exactly the same as the last one, we seem unable to resist the allure of the one-handed self-portrait, compulsively drawn back into its welcoming arms over and over and over again. It's there for use just about any time we want it, whenever we can steal five minutes alone behind a locked door. On the other hand, this repetition also admits of frustration. Like a desperately horny adolescent, you shut the bathroom door to find gratification in solace, and in here there is no place to hide from yourself. If the one-handed self-portrait can be an ego-boost, it can also make a man as insecure as a high school cheerleader with a brownie addiction.
"Which angle makes my arms look biggest?" "My chest looks good in this one, but ugh, my face looks terrible." "Do I choose the good face one or the good chest one? How am I supposed to choose??" The one-handed self-portrait can perhaps be understood as part of the contemporary fad of "men as sex objects," now just as insecure about their bodies and their appearance as women. But that's not all it is. A guy might want to make himself look good to a woman in the picture, although really that's just a way of looking at himself. Men take these pictures primarily for their own benefit, and there's something sort of strange by also very endearing about that. If the one-handed self-portrait is a bit narcissistic, taking pleasure in one's own masculinity is anything but feminine. It's certainly not anything to be ashamed of either. So go ahead. Break out the hair gel and the fake Gucci glasses. Put on the one pair of designer underwear you own and sag your jeans a little bit so you can just make out the label in the mirror. Take a pic or 40 of yourself and say, "Shit yes, I'd f*ck me!" You and I both know that bulge in your pants isn't just for the sake of the camera. | ||||||||
| What’s hot this week in men’s fashion, gadgets, and gear Posted: 30 Apr 2011 09:00 AM PDT This weekly feature is a round-up, in conjunction with our friend Tim over at CoolMaterial.com of the hot new products appearing online this week. From fashion to gadgets, take a look at your new obsessions.
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| How about some more Gracie Carvalho pics? Posted: 30 Apr 2011 07:00 AM PDT  She sure looks happy, doesn't she? Since I remember how much you liked it the last time I showed you pics of Gracie Carvalho and since H&M hired her to pose in some of their lingerie and bikinis, I thought you might like to see these photos. I swear there are so many sexy Brazilian models running around posing for pictures in bikinis and bras I could do nothing but post pictures of them each and every day. They must outnumber the rest of the models from other countries by a 2 to 1 ratio all by themselves. By the way, I am still waiting for someone out there who’s actually been to Brazil to confirm to me that when you walk down the streets there it’s nothing but supermodels as far as the eye can see. Then again, if that’s not true I’d lose one of my fantasies. Forget I said anything.                 | ||||||||
| 7 ways to ruin a perfectly good wedding Posted: 30 Apr 2011 05:00 AM PDT
Since we crank out so many stories each week some really good ones get lost in the cracks. And since so many new people visit Guyism every day (thank you), we thought we’d start taking some time on the weekends to share some classics that many of our newer readers may have missed. It's getting to be that time of year again. The weather gets warm, the flowers are in full bloom and the nuptials start to flow like fine wine… for better or for worse. Before you know it, you're buying a new suit and it's time to watch people make a 50/50 decision on who to spend the rest of their life with. It's a joyous and love-filled time where we all share in the union of two souls that are meant to be together for eternity. It's also a very delicate situation that can take months (possibly years) to plan. And it can be very easily ruined by a person with the right motives or blood alcohol content. Here are a few things to avoid if you aren't in the business of ruining a friend or loved one’s nuptials. 7 Telling an inappropriate story during the congratulatory video 6 Hitting the bride or groom in the face with a bag of rice 5 Being THAT guy 4 Botching the best man speech 3 Objecting 2 Bring a date that hates or used to date the bride or groom 1 Trying to kiss the bride when you aren’t the groom | ||||||||
| Sadia Lyoti Bangladesi New Model Photoshoot Posted: 30 Apr 2011 08:59 AM PDT      Sadia Lyoti Bangladesi New Model Photoshoot, Sadia Lyoti Bangladesi New Model Photoshoot, Sadia Lyoti Bangladesi New Model Photoshoot, Sadia Lyoti Bangladesi New Model Photoshoot Sadia Lyoti Bangladesi New Model Photoshoot, Sadia Lyoti Bangladesi New Model Photoshoot Sadia Lyoti Bangladesi New Model Photoshoot 
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Be honest. You know you've got one up on Facebook as we speak.
The masturbation parallels are inescapable. The vast majority of these pics are taken in the privacy of a man's bathroom or bedroom. With the door closed. And if the guy's not trying to overcompensate by staring hard into the camera, he usually has his eyes partly closed with a half-pleasurable, half-disoriented, glazed-over look on his face.
"Do my abs look ok?"
It's a sweet idea to send someone around with a camera to film well wishes to the bride and groom during the wedding reception, but you need to do that early on in the festivities. A few hours in and Jack Daniels may have loosened up Uncle Jack or a guy in the wedding party so much that they will tell a wholly inappropriate story about that day when the bride was out of town and you guys went and dropped over $600 at a local strip club on lap dances, bottles of champagne and for some reason a license plate that read, "Ask me about the fried pickles." And watching someone tell that story mere days after the wedding may just add way more strain on a young marriage than is needed… sorry, Ryan.
Again, this seems unlikely and improbable, but it does happen. When you give people something to throw in a situation where emotions run high and good sense runs low, it's often every brain cell and reflex for itself. I saw somebody forget to take the rice out of the intricate little packet one time and just chuck it right at the groom's face. Needless to say, there are all sorts of pictures being taken and nothing stops a ceremony cold quicker than Uncle Ben moving in for the knockout. Hilarious? Yes. Appropriate. No. Hilarious? Yes. I can't stress that enough. You may be able to get away with this one.
At a wedding there is always one guy or girl that just goes completely beyond the level of appropriate alcohol consumption and good taste. It's the person who is entirely too drunk early on in the reception and you just know that they are going to make some sort of scene later on in the night. You ask them to slow down but they say something like, "Lighten up. It's a wedding and we're supposed to have fun!" And a few hours later they are passed out on the grass outside the country club or puking. Just think about all the inappropriate places one could puke at a wedding. Pick one. Now pick another one. Now pick another one. Don't be that guy/girl. It reflects poorly on everyone involved.
There is nothing that will send a wedding reception careening into chaos quite like a botched best man speech. Sometime when a guy gets a little of the beer muscles in him, he'll go against his good judgment and try to entertain the crowd. If you start your speech by saying, "This one time when we were in Tijuana…" or "I can't believe the bride is wearing a white dress!" you need to stop and look around. This isn't the Apollo or amateur hour at the Albuquerque Chuckle Factory. This is the best day of your best friend’s life and you should treat it with the type of respect that it deserves. Now the bachelor party is a whole different story…
If you are at a wedding where you don't feel the bride and groom should spend their lives in holy matrimony then you need to find a time and a place to do so before the wedding. The ceremony is neither the time nor place to air your grievances. You risk irreparable damage to longstanding friendships and can ruin the entire wedding by not forever holding your peace. You had plenty of time to talk things out with whoever is getting married before the actual ceremony. Don't be the person that ruins the happiest day of two people’s lives by standing up and objecting in the middle of the service. This isn't a romantic comedy film, this is real life. If you have reservations, you need to find a time and a place to say something. The actual ceremony is not it, Benjamin Braddock.
Sometimes you get a group of friends from high school or college that have a long history together at a wedding. And sometimes a few of those people have been in relationships or have strong feeling towards other people in said group. And sometimes when women get a little tipsy, they have a tendency to get emotional. Add that to all the emotions of a wedding and sometimes things get ugly. Nothing brings the waterworks like a person eight vodka tonics deep that just watched their supposed love of their life get married to someone else. Men tend to get violent and women tend to go completely insane. Man or woman, a situation such as this leaves you apologizing for your date and wondering why they wanted to even come with you to the wedding in the first place. Either way — seriously awkward.
Whoa, bad, bad idea if you are not the groom. And it doesn't happen but once in a blue moon, but it may be the all-time awkward situations. A guy or girl gets a little tipsy, the emotions get the best of them and they decide to plant one on the closest person in a bow-tie or dress. You may be able to say goodbye to your inhibitions, but you're going to say hello to a black-eye or bruised cheek. The cardinal sin of weddings! 
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